Can you?

Can you cry from happiness?

Sure you can. Although some people would say it’s impossible because the crying is usually associated with bad feelings, I totally can do it and did it last night. It has been a harsh week and since Monday I’m on the edge to have a panic attack. I sent an email to my Belarusian guy just to tell him how I was doing and when I would be online so we could talk on Skype, and last night as an answer I received the best email ever! It is very hard to explain what was in the email and I don’t want to paste it here because I want to save it for myself, but it was so moving and written with so much feeling that I read it probably 20 times and cried and laughed at the same time. Why? Because I still can’t believe how happy he could make me. He, who knows me since June and with whom I dated for a week in August and who is on the other end of the world right now, but who does not want to break the connection with me and is thinking from now how to meet soon. I have no idea how it happened, but there is such a connetion between us. Well, my guess is just both of us are very open to each other and express our feelings freely. Also it is different when you share common interests with someone and when you don’t.

Current mood: exhausted, but happy *hug*

Stressed

It is so hard to stay in control!!!

Last 10 days

What happened for the last 10 days? Well, put together numerous meetings, workshops, campus elections, classes, no more than 5-6 hours sleep per night and you got the idea Well, one small difference this year than last year – not only I am much more busier, but I keep smiling and I have cried only once for the last 2-3 weeks yay Yes, I’m tired like s**t from now, my eyes are red and hurt and sometimes I have blank moments, but I need to keep going. There are so many beutiful things I am looking forward that keep me from falling apart – Christmas in Canada (maybe), trip to Rome and Florence in March, still open for posibilities for the second week of spring break, then the summer (best case – in Put-in-Bay), transfer school next fall… Wow, I can’t recognize myself what optimist I have become

Of course, I have the small bad moments when I panick for a second and feel overwhelmed, but when it is not for more than a day, I am fine

Hmm, maybe I should write email to the “friends” group I have to exercise my Bulgarian because I am getting worried about it. It is getting harder and harder to express myself in BG. Even on Skype, now I talk only in English with my Belorussian friend (most times there is no one else online when I am online).

One thing that bothers me is the more the time goes, the more I get distanced from the friends at BG. Well, I guess that is the price I need to pay.

Ike

Sept. 12 (Bloomberg) — Hurricane Ike bore down on Texas, heading for landfall as early as today in Galveston, where forecasters warned residents of “certain death” if they ignore a mandatory evacuation order.

The warning from the National Hurricane Center also applies to coastal areas around Galveston, southeast of Houston, where highways were jammed yesterday as thousands fled inland. Galveston Bay will be pounded by an ocean surge as high as 25 feet (7.6 meters), with water levels a mile in from the coast possibly exceeding 9 feet, the center said on its Web site.

“All neighborhoods and possibly entire coastal communities will be inundated during the period of peak storm tide,” the center said. “Persons not heeding evacuation orders in single family, one- or two-story homes may face certain death.”

Ike, which tripled in size in the Gulf of Mexico in the past two days, was a Category 2 hurricane with sustained winds of 105 miles per hour (169 kph), the center said just before 7 a.m. Houston time today. Ike is following a track similar to the 1900 Galveston hurricane that killed 8,000 people, the deadliest storm in U.S. history.

Ernest Baddeaux, a 66-year-old welder living a half-block from Galveston Bay in La Porte, said he was going to stay put.

“The officials and media tell you to evacuate but they don’t necessarily tell you where or how you’re going to pay for it,” he said as he hammered plywood over his windows.

 

How would you feel in such a situation? I can’t even imagine what it is to get on the car and go somewhere and then come back and find nothing – the home you have built is gone, some of your neighbors are gone, all is gone in the water. It just strucked me this morning while working out and watching CNN for the last update of the development of hurricane Ike, how small and miserable we are. Most of the time we think we could do everything we want, we are the most powerful. Yes, but no. When it comes to nature, we are nothing. We are just washed away in the water or blown away with the tonrnado.

One of my suitmates’ family lives at the area where the peak is expected. What if tomorrow she finds out her home was washed away? What am I supposed to tell her? “I’m sorry” And so what?

How does it feel to watch the TV and to be told to get out of your house or die? What if you can’t get out as Ernest Baddeaux can’t?

All this makes me feel very miserable and horrified.

Fall, get up and go

One of those bad days…sit and cry till I couldn’t breath, but felt better…I may fall down, but I need to get up and keep going..there is no other way.

Going to Prague in March? Maybe