Blogging

For the last several days when I go to bed, thoughts start running around my mind and I feel like getting up, opening my laptop and writing here, but usually I am already too tired to do that. Unfortunately, in the morning I have forgotten what I have been thinking about the night before.

Some time ago I talked with a friend about blogging. He said that for him it does not make sense to write stuff online, mainly personal stuff, that anyone could read. Instead, one could go and talk with the people the post is about. I don’t think of this blog as a diary and I appreciate comments. I like writing here because the blog is the only friend left I have. I could write everything here anytime. Also I like posting topics on which I would like to get some feedback.

Another friend found this blog some time last week and she sent me a long message on facebook with various responses on the topics I have written, but one thing in particular caught my eye. She said “Vesi, from what I read you sound so depressed and sad since you are at Cottey/ USA.” I don’t think I am worse than when I was back in BG. Also I guess this impression is strengthened by the fact that I feel like writing the most when I don’t feel well, when I have to pour out thoughts which haunt me.

The 44th US President

Today at 11am Central time Barack Obama became officially the 44th President of the USA. All TVs on campus were on CNN and I watched the inauguration in lower Hink House. I think this is the first time I watched the whole ceremony and listened to the speech. I was amazed how many people were there! And I am happy Obama won even though I didn’t vote and I haven’t listened to much of his speeches. I have been in US for only year and a half, but as it looks like I will spend a whole lot more years here so I hope he does a good job and fulfills at least part of the expectations people have for him.

Here is the oath and the speech he gave.

After the weekend

Today I finally submitted the JKC application online.*phew*  Now I need to finish the essays for Yale and I am done with the college applications. However, I am a little worried about these essays. Even though I am trying to do a free writing I have this small reminder on the back of my mind that this is YALE and in order to have the smallest chance there the essays have to be excellent and I guess that is why I have such a big trouble writing them. But I started the application and I will finish it, though I have like 0.00001% chance to get there.

I found this picture the other day and it is on my desktop right now. I think it is cute and yammy

Decisions #1

I remember last time when I was applying to colleges I was writing all decisions in one post. However, this time I decided to post separate ones and I will just number them

So, so far I got two:

Hood College – they like me, but can’t give me fin. aid (tuition and other costs = 35 000$)

Central Methodist University – they give me 8 000$, 14 000$ left.

Today I got emails that Hiram and Sweet Briar will come out in mid-February. We will see…

11 letters to go

Impulse

I started “Impulse” right after finals and finished it pretty much as quick as the other books and loved it as much as the others or even a little bit more. I think putting the stories of Vanessa, Conner and Tony together made the book engaging from the first to the last page and typical for Ellen Hopkins the end touched something directly in my heart.

I specifically marked page 596 while reading because I really like this:

“Love means holding on to

someone just as hard as

you can because if you

don’t, one blink and

they might disappear

forever.”

Burned

I finished “Burned” (another book by Ellen Hopkins; I wrote about Crank here) some time in November and I felt like burned at the end. Great book! Actually I needed some time before I start another book. I can’t exactly explain it, but it was a very strong emotion I felt  mainly on page 523:

But He Was

And so was the baby.

Dead.

Even that precious piece of Ethan.

Dead.

All because of Trevor.

Dead.

Trevor, who called my mom.

Dead.

Mom, who called Dad.

Dead.

Dad, who called his buddy

the highway patrolman.

Dead.

Everything I loved.

Dead.

Everything I had to live for.

Dead.

Why couldn’t I be

dead

too? It was the least

God could have done.

Piano

Do you play piano? How do you feel about it?

I started my first piano lessons last year at this time. I have never played before, but I have always wanted. I can’t give some particular reason why – just something pulls me to the piano.

I went to practice today for the first time in 3 weeks (because of the break). I went into the practice room and there it was – the piano all gorgeous and as if calling me. I felt like just sitting there for a while and only touching the keys, just to feel them under my fingers. And then it came the first sounds..ahh…music for my soul.

I was so amazed. Usually I had thing strange feeling when I go and play, but nothing like today. Some of you may think I have totally gone nuts, but I don’t think so. It is just this special thing between me and the piano

Ready? Camera? Action!

Pretty much this is the way I could describe my first days at Cottey

The trip was good, but long. I left my uncle’s house at 6am and didn’t get to Cottey till 6pm. (Two flights, waiting for luggage, getting on the shuttle to Nevada). Unpacked all my stuff, took a shower and colapsed in my bed

Yesterday were my first classes and also I was running around all day and filling my schedule with zilllion meetings

It was also a news day. I got my transcript for the Fall semester – 4.00 I also got two of my college decisions. Hood College really likes me, but doesn’t give me any money. Central Methodist University gives me 8 000$, but there are 14 000$ left, so… Oh well, 11 more letters to go

Also in the evening Quita sent me an email confirming that her chapter wantes me to go and speak at their PEO State Convention with over 2000 PEOs in California at the end of May, which means I will spent two weeks there. Yay

Pretty much I am trying to breath deeply and not to panic

End of the break

So here it is – the winter break is almost over. I am packing tomorrow and flying back to Missouri on Sunday morning. For whatever reason I have been dreaming I am on an airport for the last 3 days?! Maybe because I keep worrying that I have only 45minutes to change planes and go through customs in Chicago or I don’t know why else.  Other surprising thing for me is that I am looking forward going back to Cottey – that has never happened before! It looks like 3 kids can make me miss Cottey LOL Or just this last semester I got too involved with the people on campus and just miss them. For good or for bad, that is the situation

Last Sunday we finally went to the Niagara Falls and it wasn’t too cold – around 0, which here is pretty warm and we had a good time

I found out I would not receive my transcript here because they have never sent it – they sent it to my residence hall  because the Canada address I gave them looked suspicious – go figure! lol

Well, I guess that is what is on my mind right now. There will be an update for my first days of classes…

Happy New 2009

Amy MacDonald- “This is the life”

I randomly found that song, but I really like it – it makes me happy And I am listening it right now while thinking about the new year.

I welcomed 2009 in a church (don’t ask…long story…don’t feel like talking about it now after a 2 hour gospel concert).

What I hope for in 2009 is:

- health mainly because without it I am lost

- strength to handle all problems that come on my way

- the transfer issue to work out in the best possible way with or without JKC Scholarship

- everything to go well with work/taxes stuff

- love…any kind…just love…I am tired of loneliness and pain

What got done in 2008?

I like making a lookback on the old year. In that way I could set better goals for the new year.

In 2008 I:

- got out of my shell at least a little bit and took a responsibility on campus I have never dreamt before

- lost one of my best friends (M) without any explanation – she just stopped talking to me and it still hurts

- got hurt too many times and cried too many times because of someone back home, but made some progress in our relationship

- was lucky to be with my cousin over the summer and have a pretty good job, so I didn’t need to worry too much over money issues

- met a precious friend from Belarus (and a little bit more than a friend ) and had one of the best weeks ever

- was blessed to have Quita by my side more than ever and to have her support all the time

- graduated Spring 08 with 4.0 and hopefully Fall 08 with 4.0, too (still waiting for the transcript)

- applied to 13 colleges

- failed on SAT

- did great as an SGA Prexy during my first semester

- did service learning and planned a presidential project

- got nominated for ALL-USA Team and Jack Kent Cooke Scholarships

and many other things I can’t remember right now.

Overall I feel 2008 was an exhausting, but good year and I am happy about what I have done and I am not going to cry for what I haven’t done.