Decisions #4

Smith came out surprisingly early as well. I just got the package. They give me 53600$ which includes 5600$ loan and I have 1300$ left to pay which is around 2000$ less than MoHo

Now it is a decision time. Though I have several more left, without JKC I don’t think any other college will offer me better.

Decisions #3

Some update on colleges:

Mount Holyoke – accepted. They give me 51 000$ which include 5 500$ loan per year that has to be paid after graduation, so I have 3000$ left to pay per year, which works for me just fine, so if nothing else works out I am going to MoHo

Hollins – still waiting for the financial package.

Daemen – They keep saying I have missing documents. It’s been like that for a while so I think I am just giving up on this one.

Fairleigh Dickinson – I qualify for 16 000$ PTK scholarship, but need to show 25 000$ per year.

Hartwick – I re-sent them the financial documents. A decision should come out soon.

Sweet Briar – I qualify for 15 000$, Lacy is trying to  find a sponsor for the rest 25 000$. There is a small chance and it will become clear soon.

Xavier – accepted. They give me 13 000$, there are around 10 000$ left.

Decisions left: Smith (mid-April), Grinnel and Yale (mid-May), Jack Kent Cooke Scholarship – around May 1st.

Mood after break

I came back on Saturday with the idea that Sunday will be enough to get rest and be ready for classes. Well, I guess it is going to take much more time. I still feel very tired plus I am getting pretty overwhelmed with school work – there are millions of things to get done for the next month and a half that I get sick only thinking about that. At the same time, I feel super exhausted and sleepy.

On the top, people keep asking me how was my break/ how was home. Well, everything was great as I already written in the previous posts. However, the emptiness in my heart is bigger than ever. I have this strange feeling…it looked like everyone was doing pretty well and everyone was happy which is good of course. I just feel so out of place again and so so lonely. I have one of these crying days again. Now comes the second wave. The first one was 4 hours ago.

Some of my fears before I left proved right and some proved wrong. The situation in my family is still the same or even a little bit worse. I felt OK being around T. but now everything pours over me and I miss him a lot. It felt so good to be hugged finally and to feel loved. He might be the total opposite of me and we might not have any future together, but the way he loves me means so much and I don’t think I will ever stop loving him either. I just need to get used to living on my own. That is the hardest part. Even though I go for pretty independent person it stinks when I am absolutely alone. Like right now. Like for the last year and a half. And it is not like there are no people here who like me and who think highly of me. That is what I don’t udenrstand. Why all this emptyness? Why all this sadness? I am happy to be here. I don’t want to go back and live in BG or at least not now.  Then what is the problem?

2nd week of Spring break

*Below is my experience in Bulgaria during the second week of spring break*

March 15 – 21, 2009

On Sunday morning I got to the airport in Rome at 8 am and my flight left for Sofia at 2 pm. Luckily there was a group of Cottey girls whose flight was at 1.30 pm so I hanged around with them until 11.30 am, checked luggage and got on the plane to Sofia. I couldn’t sleep on the plane because I was too excited and also the view was amazing. There were a few clouds and below just mountains. The moment we reached Sofia I started trembling. I went through customs pretty fast, but my suitcase came out one of the last ones. By the time I crossed the arrivals door my heart was going to explode. Two of my classmates and Teodor were waiting just by the exit of the arrivals. They could not recognize me for the first moment or two. After that there were lots of hugs and laughs. It was so good to see them. My aunt and her brother joined us later and we left for Krepost (where I live). We got at my house by 9 pm. My grandparents, my father and my brother were all very excited. I could hardly recognize my brother – he had grown up so much. On Monday I met with Mariya – one of Lyd’s students who is coming to Cottey next year, got a haircut at my hairdresser and met with Ema and spent the night at her place. I missed her so much. It was amazing to sit and talk as the good old times. On Tuesday, my other grandmother came to visit as well as some neighbors. I left in the afternoon for Haskovo, went to see a dentist and met with Milenka and the colleagues at the company I worked before I came to Cottey. Two of us went shopping and I found 2 pairs of very cute shoes and bought some presents for my friends in US. I went out in the evening with her, her husband and Rumen. After a total coincidence I met Rosi who I thought I won’t see while I am in Bulgaria, so that was a very nice surprise. On Wednesday I met with some other relatives and on Thursday I finally met with Lydia. In the mean time I met with Teodor every night – OMG it felt so good to see him and at the same time so strange after all this time. We couldn’t stop talking for hours.

The four days flew by very fast and utnil I tunr around it was Friday. I left with a bus to Sofia at 11 am. Valq and Plami met me at the bus station and we went together to the airport where they stayed with me until the time of my flight to Rome. I got in Rome around 8 pm and stayed with Susan, her mom and her friend at a hotel at the airport. I am so glad for these 4 hours of sleep and shower because we had 4 more flights until I got to Kansas City on Saturday night where I got on the shuttle to Cottey. All the flights went pretty well – they were just too much. We flew from Rome to Frankfurt, from there to Boston, then Chicago and then finally Kansas City. I got back very exhausted, but that was the best break I have ever had! The problem is now I need to tune very fast to the craziness at Cottey because the time left until graduation is going to be busier than ever. I also need to fight the sad feelings that I am so far away again from my friends. I already miss all of them so much.

1st week of Spring break

*Below is the journal I kept while I was in Florence and Rome for the first week of the spring break*

March 09, 2009

We left KC at 10.30 am, flew to Newark where we had 4 hours wait until our flight to Rome. We had pretty good view of downtown NYC and the time went fast as well. We left at 5.30 pm for 8 hours flight to Rome. We got in Italy at 7 am Monday morning and left for 3 hour drive to Florence, checked in the hotel and went for an orientation tour. The tour guides were amazing so despite the jet lag we had lots of fun. Florence is a lovely town with old building and lots of churches. We walked to the town hall, made some pictures and in the evening went to a nice small restaurant where we had wine and pizza.

March 10, 2009

On Tuesday morning I had my Florence module – Moda Italia. We walked along the river, passed the science museum, stopped at Ponte Vecchio – a bridge with gorgeous view, from there we passed all fashion houses, stopped at the old farmacia, passed the Basilica of Santa Maria Novella and went to the market where we found lots of scarves, leather jackets, purses and souvenirs. From there everyone took their own way. Me and Pippi ended up at the center of the city, ate gelato (the famous Italian ice cream) (mmm so good ) and went to Piazza Michelangelo from where we had amazing view of Florence (it was so amazing that I can’t explain it in words). We got back at the hotel for couple of hours break and left with two of the tour guides to a couple of bars. The second one we went to there was live music, and it was a great end of the long day.

March 11, 2009

On Wednesday morning the whole group went to the famous Uffizi gallery. We spent around 3 hours there. After that me and Amanda went inside the Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore and went back to the market place where we found some very cute things for very decent prizes. In the evening we went up again at the Piazza Michelangelo for night panoramic view of Florence.

March 12, 2009

On Thursday morning we left at 8 am for Rome. We arrived around noon, took a quick bus ride to see the major things, checked in the hotel, had lunch and at 3 pm left for orientation tour. The easiest way to go around Rome is with the metro. Our tour guide took us to the Spanish steps which were actually built by the French in the 16^th century. From there we went to the famous Trevi Fountain where she left us on our own. I and 4 other girls left from there to the “Wedding cake” of Rome (The Monument of Vittorio Emanuele), which is an amazingly big white building which Italians do not like much. From there we went to the Pantheon. It was breath taking. We got back around 7 pm totally exhausted. There were some evening activities, but I did not go because I already could not feel my feet and legs and the walking in Rome had just started.

March 13, 2009

Friday was modules day. However, my module wasn’t until 1 pm so I had the whole morning free. I and a couple of girls took the metro to Piazza della Republica – a nice square with a fountain and basilica. The basilica was small, but very pretty. From there we passed by Palazzo delle Esposizioni and went to the church of Santa Maria Maggiore – an enormous church which is a must-visit place for every Christian pilgrim. From there we took the metro to Circus Massimo – unfortunately only a very small part has survived, but that was the place where the Romans held horse competitions. It was build to host around 250 000 people! From the Circus we got back to the Coliseum to meet with the group for the module. Leaving at the Coliseum, we passed through all the Roman Forums and ended at the Palatine Hill. It’s something that could not be described – it has to be experienced. The tickets we got for the Palatine Hill were good for the Coliseum as well which was a very nice deal. I went to the Coliseum with Dr. Perkins and his wife, Dr. Stubblefield and Courtney Milner because they were the only ones who were getting back to the hotel by 6 pm and I had another module at 7 pm. The Coliseum was so beautiful. We were able to stand on the same place couple of thousands of years people would gather to watch the gladiator battles. I got back on time to get ready and leave the hotel for the concert of Camerata Salzburg and the Greek violinist Leonidas Kavakos. The performance was spectacular. Kavakos was the soloist for the first piece and then he conducted the next two pieces. The way they could stay in harmony together, do the cut-offs together and do the dynamics as waves that were falling on me one after another was unbelievable. I just can’t find enough words to describe it. This was definitely one of the best parts of the trip.

March 14, 2009

On Friday night we were told we had to move to another hotel for Saturday night due to some problems with the previous one. However, I did not mind because we moved to a 4 star beautiful hotel. After we loaded the luggage on the buses early Saturday morning so they could move it to the new hotel, we left for our Vatican tour. My group started at the Vatican Museum. Once again – there are not enough words to describe everything I saw. It was amazing. From there we went to the Sistine Chapel and saw the famous “Last Judgment” by Michelangelo as well as the ceiling which Michelangelo painted with various biblical stories. I was looking at all this beauty and I could not imagine how it was done. From there we went to the Saint Peter’s Basilica. Oh, that was the most gorgeous place I have ever been. No matter which direction I turned I could see great sculptures, mosaics and ceiling covered with various biblical themes. From the basilica we walked by the Swiss guards and saw the building with the papal apartment. Unfortunately, we could not get at the dome of St Peter, but everything we saw was great enough. In the evening, the whole group had a final dinner in Rome. We had lots of fun even though the food was very different from our tastes.