Here I am finally at Smith. I got here late Thursday night and the flights, the few hours of sleep and emotions had their price. I unpacked some of the stuff until 2am and crashed. Yesterday I finally saw the campus in daylight and the only thing I could say is: GORGEOUS Everything is green and there are trees everywehere. I can’t wait for fall to come Because this is pre-orienation for international students the focus of the sessions are immigration, passports, OPT, taxes, etc. Most of these things I already know, but it is still fun. Everyone is very nice and Dean T. is hilarious It’s been great to have another Bulgarian girl (she is a freshmen) here, too Last night I finally finished unpacking around midnight and my room looks nice It’s neither too big nor too small. Though my house is at the end of campus, it’s just 10 minutes from Central campus which is not bad at all.
My b-day is on a rainy day this year, but I am still having fun. I got lots of cards from the P.E.Os in California, a package, and a great bouquet from Q and R Today and tomorrow are a little slow for me because all freshmen are opening bank accounts and other things that I already have, but it’s nice to have some time before the actual orientation starts on Monday and from what I hear it’s going to be intense, but I can’t wait to meet with professors, sign up for classes and actually start classes.
It might sound unbelievable, but I am not stressed at all. I feel like I have been here before. I guess I came a little overprepared which is good
I am all set for a great semester and I am so happy to be here. I can’t wait to see D. and M. next week
So the last week in CA is coming to an end. I have my last swimming, tennis, and piano lessons in the next 3 days, then packing on Wednesday and off to Smith on Thursday. This really was an amazing summer. It was a great balance between making some pocket money, learning new things like swimming and tennis, went through my piano pieces plus learned several new ones including my favorite “Fur Elise”, read some of the books I had on my wish list, visited interesting places, met many new people, and mainly got lots of sleep
As it looks like so far, I will be back in Coronado for Christmas, for which I am super excited. I am really going to miss Q and R…after all this is the first real family I have ever had and it feels good I am really glad they are coming in October. Oh, I really get easily attached to people
I have to say I am a little nervous for Smith, but so far everything worked so great, that I am allowing myself to be a little superstitious and believe that it will be hard, but things will work out in the best way. Probably 2 years ago I would never have said that, but many things changed for these 2 years, including me. I am getting a little too excited and I am thinking about so many things that I have trouble sleeping, but oh well…just trying to keep the “happy thoughts” as one of my friends from Cottey used to say…
I am dreaming of great classes, making new friends, keeping the ones I already have there, finding a volunteer opportunities and research for next summer, but mainly I dream of 2 more great years of my life. It’s time to open the next chapter and see what happens there…
I just watched a two-hour documentary called “Generation Islam” by Christiane Amanpour from CNN and now I am overwhelmed with all kinds of thoughts. It broke my heart watching all these children living in ruins, most times without food, water or electricity. Most of them drop out of school to work and support their family. Most of them have lost family members in the various wars and attacks. Most of them grow up with hatred in their hearts and their only goal is to kill the enemy whoever that is.
It’s sad that in many places around the world the situation is not very different while in other places people pile up millions of dollars in the bank. And for what? People need only particular amount of money to live good. We get so caught up in our lives that sometimes we forget to appreciate what we have and think about others who don’t have even a fraction of what we have.
After watching this documentary I am going to try to stop complaining for insignificant things. Yes, Smith will be hard, it’s a new place and etc…but I am paid $55,000 per year to go there and learn new things and there is not a better blessing that having access to education because while I am studying here, gilrs in Afghanistan are getting attacked because they go to school.
I hope with all my efforts I could wake up one day and say I have changed somebody’s life for the better.
“Fur Elise” is one of my favorite piano pieces, and today after my piano lesson I could say I have it all memorized and I play all parts in one tempo. Well, I still play slower than this video, but I am getting there
This was one of my goals for the summer, so it feels good to have it achieved
The movie “The Notebook” is one of my favorite and I finally finished the book (on my trip to Baltimore, actually ). As with the movie, I loved it. Some people would say it’s a little bit too romantic and such love stories don’t exist, but oh well…it’s nice to read such a story from time to time
*Though I try not t put here posts that are too personal, I just need to share some of my thoughts today.*
I feel quite frustrated. One day I am full of energy to change the world and the next day I am thinking “Who am I kidding?” I am frustrated with myself, for no big reason except that I still have that feeling that I am not doing enough whatever that enough is.
I am frustrated with my family – the situation there is not getting any better and I don’t see a way to help. The newest thing is to call the media about the whole “not fair sale of the yard my dad did.” Though I usually don’t give up without a fight in this case I know they are just wasting money because once you get involved with the so-called mafia there are no good results. And I really worry how much worse it could get. What is the next shit my dad will get into?
And my brother…I can’t stop thinking about him lately…I wish I could tell him so many things…I wish he knew that all the anger I used to have against him was not his fault, but a result from my mom and then my grandparents exploitation…it was not his fault (though as a kid I blamed him) that all I have been doing up until I got on the plane to US was school and housework…it was not his fault that I had almost no friends and the few I had I had to fight for them all the time with my grandparents…I really hope he understands this one day…
At the same time, the same argument could be used by mom…she was sick of her life and my dad’s drinking and she poured it out on me up until she saw a way to get out…Though I don’t want to say it in some way I am like her…I ran away from the pain…she left her kids behind, I left my brother behind…it hurts so much to think he will end up hating me one day for that…
Sometimes I also feel like a hypocrite…I am ready to travel anywhere in the world and help communities in hard situations, but I am not really ready to go back and deal with problems within my family…Yes, I have ideas for different programs that could be established, but where do I start from? How do I unite people around my ideas when the ideals back home are so different? Everyone there cares about themselves…no one wants to volunteer or not too much…people are so focused on daily survival that they rarely think about what others are going through.
My biggest dream is to create a center for people with drug addiction that is not an insane asylum because right now that is pretty much the only option for these people as far as I know. When we looked for an institution for my dad, that was the only option. And because of the big stigma about these places, most people who need help never find one. Also I dream of a center for children like my brother where they could receive the attention they need and the information about the outside world they need. It breaks my heart that he is closed in that small village and the only things he is occupied with is work in the garden/house, riding the bike and going to school(which he hates).
These days I have been back and forth with emotions. As I mentioned I came back from Baltimore very energized and empowered. Then yesterday it took one call to Bulgaria and all the positivity went down the road. Once again I realized that we can go anywhere in the world, but the past will always follow us, and in this case this is bad. I had to listen to numerous complaints, how the things are not getting any better with the whole sold land deal, how the only thing that occupies my grandparents minds is how to make restorations trough the house and etc. At the same time, my brother is growing just in age, but not really in mind. They keep him caught up with housework (of course, now that I am gone, he is the house slave). He does not go pretty much anywhere, his vocabulary is quite limited, and it’s very hard to talk with him on the phone because they don’t leave him alone. All this bothers me a lot and I can’t really do anything from here. I keep telling myself that he is not my child and I did all I could to raise him, though I have to say I have been mean sometimes to him. It wasn’t his fault for all the stuff that was happening back then, but I took it out on him sometimes I was able to get out there, but I don’t think he will
Well, at least today I was able to figure out all the scholarships stuff. I won’t have the loan *phew* and I found out I have a $1500 available for computer and if I don’t use them now, I lose them, so I decided to get a newer laptop and not worry with computer issues for at least 2-3 years. Though this is something quite trivial, it is one more thing added to the pile of blessings already. I still can’t believe everything is working out so well. I am all set to leave for school, I won’t graduate with any loans, and I have my expenses covered. All that is left is to hit the books really hard and keep that GPA high as well as to devote more time to the community
For the last 5 days I have had the most inspiring and motivating experience ever! I left for Baltimore, MD on Wednesday and when I got at Johns Hopkins University there were not many scholars there yet so I was kind of on my own until Thursday evening when was the official start of the Jack Kent Cooke seminar. There was a short opening session where all scholars were introduced, we got more information about the foundation and then we headed to dinner where the essence of the seminar started – the networking and socializing between the scholars.
Friday morning there was a panel connected with leadership, and in the afternoon my group had a session with three undergrad alumnae and current graduate scholars who shared their experiences of their transition from two to four year institution. After that was the financial session where the basics of the process of receiving the scholarship were explained. There was a short break so we could get ready for the class pictures and then we headed to the banquet at one of the hotels in Baltimore. That was the second big opportunity to meet practically everyone and share stories…and oh did we share…I have never imagined I will be part of such a diverse and talented group.
Saturday kicked off with the Cooke Conundrum where we were split in teams of five to six scholars and had to complete two rounds with several steps each of puzzles. It was very fun and challenging at moments. In the afternoon were the focus groups with the research team and then we headed to the National Aquarium We came back for dinner and then it was time for the talent show. OMG, these were the greatest two and half hours filled with music, dance, poems, martial arts, etc. After the talent show we headed to the Inner Harbor – the social area of Baltimore where me and three other scholars picked a nice Irish pub to have a drink and keep up the conversations. The seminar ended with a final session on Sunday morning and lots of “goodbyes.”
Nice addition to the seminar was the fact that there was another Bulgarian transfer scholar
Though I said it already 1000 times I will say it again – this was the greatest experience I have ever had. Listening to all the great stories and sharing mine made me feel very special. I can’t really describe the feeling of being with 150 other people from all ages who share your interests of studying hard and serving the community INCREDIBLE!!!At the beginning, I asked myself several times “Wow, how did I ended up here with all these people who go to the best schools in the country?” but after the first couple of days it started sinking in that with 5% acceptance rate it is no coincidence I am part of that group. After years of struggling with my self-esteem, this weekend was one of the biggest boosters I have had. I came back very inspired and very energized to go and do everything I dream of doing
Everything is green and there are trees everywehere. I can’t wait for fall to come 
I was able to get out there, but I don’t think he will 