Family weekend :)

Yay for family weekend <3 Q. and R.  made it here on Friday after traveling for two days Though Saturday was rainy and cold it was still fun to hang around with them. I missed them so much. It is kind of weird to have a family I miss. Since I came here two years ago, I used to miss only some of my friends while everyone else was counting down the days to go home, and now I am pretty much in the same place as everyone else I will be back in CA in two months from last Friday They came just in time – in the middle of the semester after all midterms were done It felt great to spend a day without studying and just enjoy my time I feel so energized today. I spent pretty much 10 hrs straight reading/writing today, but it was totally worth it

One of the main reasons I came here

Proudly presenting a small example of Smith’s great professors

The Sherrerd Prize for Distinguished Teaching recipients 2009

My amazing advisor – the recipient from last year

Growing up

or maybe just changing.

I had a surprise talk on the phone with one of the ghosts from the past. Yes, my dear “mom.” I am putting this in quotes because I don’t really know the person on the other side of the line. After leaving 9 years ago I have seen her 2-3 times for 2 hours and talked on the phone several times. Last time I saw her/heard from her was 4-5 years ago (I can’t remember exactly). Because I was caught by surprise (I was expecting to talk with my grandmother instead) I couldn’t react much than “I am doing alright.” Though she acted surprised, too she started chatting as if we have talked last week. I realize it was weird for both of us but still…once I hang up I just broke down and cried for probably 20 minutes. Why? Because all the pain came back. However, by the next day I was able to ignore all bad memories and keep going.

I am not writing all this so people will feel sorry for me. I write because I realized after so many years the pain is still there, but in much less amount. Usually in the past I will feel like dropped in a deep hole for a week at least. I realized she can no longer hurt me the way she used to. There is nothing more she can do that will be worse than what she has already done. She expects me to call her frequently now that I have her phone, but I am not going to. First, this is probably another one of her ‘good times’ and I don’t want to deal with all the drama in the end. Each of us has chosen her path in life and there is no coming back. She might have given birth to me, but that does not mean I need to melt from happiness every time I talk to her, even if it is every 5 years.

She told me once that she does not have “nerves to deal with us (me and my brother).” Well, she made her choice and I made mine. I have survived all these years without her and I just got used to living without such a figure in my life. Thanks to Q. I learned again what it means to have a family and a “mom.” As I have said before just because someone gave you birth does not mean they have a right to play with your life. It’s all about love and how you show that love.

I feel good and somehow I managed to reach this state when I could look on all this as just something normal and that there is no need to sit and cry. Cry for what? The past? Well, that can’t be changed for sure and I am the one who decides how the present and the future will be. And they definitely don’t include endless tears for someone who is long in the past.

According to some people I am being cruel and what-not. I am sorry, but I am just being reasonable. I have been through enough and I have no desire going back to where I am coming from. I worked very hard to reach some peace within myself and I am not giving it back.

Summer moon

One of my very favorite songs….

David Guetta – “Summer moon” (there is no actual video unfortunately)

A weekend full of reading and listening to some forgotten songs

It’s a beautiful day

A nice, lively song

Tom Boxer – “It’s a beautiful day”

How open can you be online?

What do you use Facebook for?

I use it for networking and keeping in touch with people. It’s better than email because I could easily see what is happening with my friends as well as share some pictures.

However lately my newsfeed is packed up with people’s statuses that mainly contain the f-word or anything like that. I use my account to complain sometimes, too, but I feel like people need to be more considerate what they post on their accounts such as offensive comments, drunken pictures, etc. Not only because this information could be accessed by future employers or school administration, but also it gets offensive for their own friends, too. Isn’t there something better to say than “f*** my life, f***ing this and that,” etc? How about what did you read today? What is happening in the world or around you? What are your interests? Books? Music? Quotes?

I have never done it before, but I am on a mission to filter most of the feed that appeares on my newsfeed just because I am getting tired of certain people’s whining about school and life in general. My theory is less whining and more work and life is much easier and less stressful. If you spend less time on Facebook, watching movies or getting drunk every weekend, then the work load would feel much better. I am not saying it’s easy and not stressful at all, but many people add too much drama to the already existing stress…

After all the school program is made for people and it’s not that impossible to do. If you manage your time properly, nothing is that awful and you still have enough time to sleep

What are you interested in?

I have read about the Stamford Test  in the blog of one of my friends and decided to try it. After answering several groups of broad questions and then several groups of more narrow ones, this is what my results are:

Psychology

English/Literary Studies

History Based

Politics Based

Modern Languages

Social Studies/ Science

International Studies

General Medical

Philosophy/ Theology

For the most part it is pretty accurate