I am sitting and watching CNN Heroes. I haven’t been so inspired in a long time. Please, check out some of the stories on Youtube as well. These are people like everyone else who out of their own hard situation stood up and gave a hand to other people, or people whorealized that there are people around them dying because of dirty water, because of lack of food, because of war and rape, etc.
I keep watching, wiping my tears and thinking how I can some day make a difference here, back home, anywhere in the world. I also can’t stop thinking what I can do to spread the message of community service and care for other people back in Bulgaria. There are people in hard situations there as well, but there are many who focus too much on small, everyday things and forget about the rest of the world, forget to appreciate what they have and forget that they could actually give away as small thing as a smile or a hug to someone in need.
Ideas have been forming in my head for the last 2 years, but I still haven’t figured it out. I will welcome any ideas or suggestion on how on one side to start a group/program that helps people in need as well as developing a program that educates people about the world and about community service and its importance.
What I have learned so far is that there isn’t a better feeling, a better gratification than the one you have when you help someone and this someone goes and helps someone else. It might sound like a cliche, but we can’t function if we don’t care about the community because we are the community. If you just close your eyes and focus on your own things, and everyone else does the same, the community falls apart.
Before I came here I still cared, but it was different. But since 2007 I have had so many people who helped me realize that we all learn all our lives and by being invlolved in a good cause gives you much more than if you are getting payed to do something. It’s hard to explain, it’s a very special feeling.
I believe I have made the first steps for myself, now I need to figure out how to spread what I have learned. There are no words to explain the way I felt when I had several girls from CC told me that I inspired them and they look up to me as a role model. I, who have always felt lost and invisible and unimportant. It is the greatest reward for my hard work so far. I can’t imagine what I would have done if I didn’t have people like Lyd, Quita, professors at CC and now at SC, and many young women in both colleges, to teach me all the things I can’t learn from a textbook.
The last 2 weeks have been quite crazy and pretty much every minute in which I am not sleeping or eating is connected with classes and reading/studying. I had a second wave of exams/assignments after midterms and now pretty much what is left is a Spanish presentation, one more regular exam, and then 3 finals and last lab report I don’t mean to complain. I enjoy every minute of it, but the problem comes when my body rejects my constant studying. Yesterday was especially tough. I felt I was carrying much more weight than just a back pack plus I had this terrible headache all day long. But all is done and all is going well.
Also with the exhaustion sometimes I lose my postive thinking and focus too much on small negative things which in the last two weeks included waking up in the middle of the night to call Public Safety because a girl collapsed in the bathroom at 4am after falling at my door first, listening to people’s drunken screams as well as loud activities in bed, contant complains on FB about lack of sleep and too much work. Yes, the work is a lot, but those who complain are the ones procrastinating all day and then rushing to write a paper at 1am and whining on FB. Well, it’s getting a little ridiculous. Cut the whining and do your job.
I am just getting tired of childish behavior and this constant need for drama. What is up with that? Life will be so much easier if everyone just do what they had to do and spend the rest of the time doing something enjoyable. So when all this combines with my own worries about exams and papers, it gets a little unbearable and frustrating. Some days all I hear about is who drank what, who puked where and who slept with whom. Even the other day when I opened the college paper one of the main articles was by a girl who tells how she practically slept with half of her house and was giving advices how this was a bad idea. Well, come on now. I don’t particulary care who sleeps with whom or who does what in their time. I know this is supposed to be “real college life” as some people would say and I know there are people like me who engage in other activities, too. I guess I just need to find them
What gives me lots of power is mainly the dedication I see from all the professors I have, and especially the one I do research with. He is so amazing and inspiring that though I might spend 3-5 hrs running stats in SPSS or making tables or somehting like that I still love it I know that I will never be surrounded only by highly motivated people, but still this is supposed to be one of the best schools in the country and the professors expect so much from you that I was hoping that the other side of college life would have been more invisible, but I guess not.
I am mainly focused on what I want to take away from these 2 years here and that is as much as possible from everything However, as it was the case at CC, in the end I am sure there will be people who will be jealous of what I have done no matter what it is - well, sit, do your job and do the same things. That is the other thing. They not only whine, but at the end they want the most without doing the job. Well, I am sorry, but if you don’t work for something, you won’t get it. All the things I have done so far are not because someone just threw them at me, but because I spent endless number of hours working on them. I know this starts to sound a little too much like bragging, but my point is that I don’t like when people are jealous of me and even get frustrated that I didn’t fail (because some of them have this notion that I will most likely fail especially because English is my second language). Well, here is the secret – this fact is one of my main motivators. I am not going to let people judge me differently only because I was not born in this country and I have proved and I will keep proving that one’s capabilities have nothing to do with the fact where you are from, but it is all about motivation and dreams
It has been pretty crazy around here in the last 2 weeks and the only thing that helps me stay sane is the music. Any kind of music, but especially the one that makes me move This is one of my favorite songs to dance on in my room when I can’t take any more reading
If you know anything about how to help refugees to get legalized in Bulgaria/Europe, please visit this blog. (Svetla’s email is right below her profile picture, in case you don’t speak Bulgarian). I believe that if someone has to leave his home country and look for a refuge somewhere else, he/she has the right to receive one. No one has to be treated as therorist or criminal if their skin color does not match ours or because they were not born in the given country. Plus, as a foreigner in another country I know by personal experience that there is nothing worse than being treated differently just because you were not born in the coutnry you currently are. And this is when I am legally here. I can only try to imagine what it is to be without any documents or any rights in a foreign country.
Ако имате някаква информация как могат бежанците в България да се легализират, моля вижте този блог . Аз вярвам, че ако някой е трябвало да напусне родината си и да търси убежище в друга държава, то той/тя има право да получи такова. Никой не трябва да се възприема като терорист или престъпник ако неговият/нейният цвят на кожата е раличен от нашият или защото те не са родени в дадената държава. Плюс, като чужденец в друга държава научих от собствен опит, че няма нищо по-обидно от това хората да се държат с теб различно само защото не си роден в държавата, в която си в момента. И това е когато съм легално тук. Мога само да си представя какво е да си без документи и без никакви права в чужда държава.
I found another TED video that got me thinking this time about school and arts.
Now when I look back music and art were always at the bottom of the stairs of classes. No one was taking seriously the teachers and from there most students would not take seriously these classes. All I have learned is that I can’t draw, I can’t sing, and I can’t play anything. But how did I learn that? Well, simply by not doing all these things. Maybe if someone has tried to teach me how to draw or if I had taken piano lessons early on maybe I would have been better now at one of these things. Yes, I took piano at CC and I learned a lot for just 3 semesters. That makes me think how much I would have known if I have started when I was 5 or 6 yrs old? I always tell that memory I have from kindergarten. We had all these group activities in the afternoons and I really wanted my mom to sign me up for piano or karate, but she signed up for ballet because it was the cheapest. I remember after ballet I would sit and just marvel at the piano (because it was in the same room) and hit some of the keys occasionally. I liked how it sounded, how it looked, how it felt. I am not saying I could have become some great pianist, but playing the piano develops so many other skills.
I went to the Fall Orchestra Concert tonight – it was amazing and it really filled my heart with that special joy you can get only from music. I can’t explain fully why, but I know that people need to know more about art and do more things with art
I just watched this TED video and really liked it. I fully agree that a single story is always more damaging than anything else. The world we live in is so diverse that we can’t afford to associate a single story with a certain country, group of people, etc. Or if we go with the critical thinking concept – we can’t afford to just generalize and get over an issue!
In this train of thoughts, a friend of mine sent me this article which NY Times published about the situation in Bulgaria 20 years after the fall of the Berlin Wall. I have been reading various opinions connected with Nov 10th 1989 and the 20th anniversary. I have to say – I don’t know much about the whole story. I know “communism” fell (I am putting it in quites because what I learned from my Intro to Political Science class is that real form of communism did not exist even in USSR and what we had in Bulgaria was socialism) and supposedly a democracy was established. I agree that many things in Bulgaria are not great, but what about all the other things? What about the people who try to improve the situation one way or another? What about all small organizations around the country? What about all talented people in and outside of Bulgaria? Unfortunately, it is very common for people to focus on the negative and just go on and on how messed up is the country. Yes, it is messed up, but how about we do something about it and not just whine? Why can’t we make the NY Times with a story about something good that happened in Bulgaria? Some people will say that because nothing good enough happened, but though I am not there now I disagree. I still believe that not all people like “dalaveri” and there are smart and motivated people as well who care not only about what car and phone they have. I really wish there was some kind of network such people could connect. Any ideas?
Today I finally got answers on many of the questions I had about UK postgraduate schools by one of the professors from the University of Edinburg. I am pretty sure I am going to apply there next fall (the plan for year-off is still active, I can always deter admission for a year )
So the basics:
*There are two types of programs:
1) “taught masters” – one year of study of special area that prepares you for the working field
2) “research masters” – you start with a proposal for your dissertation and doctoral study. You are assigned a supervisor who works with you through the process. This is also one year and then two to three years to get your PhD (depending on the field).
*For students from EU countries the tuition varies between 3000 to 4500 pounds. They usually have housing (on or off campus), but students are responsible for meals. 130$ is the estimate per week for expenses.
*There are many teaching/research assistant positions available for PhD students.
*There are many scholarships available for EU students. Under financial aid tab, choose your country and a full list of available scholarships appear.
*Application requirements: no GRE, high GPA (it varies, depending on the program), 2 recommendations, personal statement.
*University of Edinburg is one of the most prestiguous postgraduate institutions. Check out their website for more information
Well, if you haven’t discovered it yet, iTunes offers a whole bunch of radios in various languages, periods, and styles for free
While studying for my Spanish exam I figured what better way to practice if not with movies and music. I discovered several great radios in Spanish with great music And I am especially pleased that I could understand most of the lyrics Here is the one that is playing right now on the radio
Alejandro Sanz y Shakira – “Te Lo Agradezco Pero No”
I just found out Q. and I are going to DC for part of Spring break in March!!! That was definitely quite a surprise DC is on the top of my list with places to visit My CA mom is the best
I don’t mean to complain. I enjoy every minute of it, but the problem comes when my body rejects my constant studying. Yesterday was especially tough. I felt I was carrying much more weight than just a back pack plus I had this terrible headache all day long. But all is done and all is going well.
Here is the one that is playing right now on the radio 
