Final decision

So the long transfer process is finally over. Yale came out tonight. I did not get in so I am going to Smith. Yes, I am a little disappointed because my hopes were very high, but I will be going to Smith for free and that means  A LOT to me plus the Jack Kent Cooke….it’s more than I have ever dreamed about

Now I just need to survive graduation weekend and CA, here I come

For the first time

during this academic year I have free time! It is amazing and crazy at the same time. Everyone is going crazy right now while I could finally relax. I finished my last 2 papers on Tuesday and now I have left piano juries on Saturday and Spanish and BIO exam next week and that’s it. Today the weather was gorgeous and I actually had time to stop and enjoy the green grass and the singing of the birds. I got so used going on autopilot for the last 8-9 months that it is very hard to enjoy the time I have now.

At the same time, I would prefer to be busier because the time will go faster. Now I have time to sit and think for a whole bunch of things and some of these things are not that enjoyable like counting down days and hoping Y*** would finally come out with a decision because all this waiting is getting ridiculous. Also I could sit and evaluate what got done this year which is a lot, but also the reality of the whole friendship thing sticks out a lot, too and it does not make me very happy. But as one of my friends said “this is the price you have to pay, but  that price got you free education,” so I guess it is worth it.

Oh well, it will all be over very soon and I will be on my way to sunny CA I just need a little more patience

Unbelievable

It all started with informational meeting in October 2008 when I first found how I could apply for a Jack Kent Cooke transfer scholarship. It sounded totally impossible and unreachable, but I decided that if I don’t try I will not have any chance of getting it. So I started writing draft essays to be considered for nomination. In the end of November I was informed I could start working on the actual application because I have been nominated. It took tons of revisions and long hours spent in Dr. Ross’ office but I submitted all my essays and financial information by mid-January. And then the waiting began…there years in a row a Cottey woman got the scholarship so I knew there is some chance even very small because the foundation receives around 800 nominations and selects approximately 50 scholars out of the 800. I knew from the girl who got it last year that the recipients are informed between April 30th and May 1st so since last Sunday I have been a total ball of nerves – it just hit me at once that my life could change forever in the next week or so. And so it happened today – I needed just one look at Dr. Ross’ face and I knew the impossible has happened – I have been selected as one of the Jack Kent Cooke scholars! You could learn more for the scholarship here.

Today has been the craziest and unbelievable day of my life! My hopes for Yale now are bigger than ever and the whole transfer process will be over in the next two weeks!!!

So many things have happened for the last month that I could hardly process that all this is happening to me!

People are different

It is very interesting to see how you could recognize your real friends in your best and your worst moments.

What are friends about actually? They are supposed to support you no matter what, right? Well, yes, I guess, but when an envy/ jealousy hits it could get dangerous. I think it is OK to be jealous in a good way, which equals more admiration than actually envy. However, many people cross the line of admiration and it might hurt when it is from someone closer. But hey, who said being on the top is easy? As an old saying goes: the king is all alone, so sometimes achievements could be hard.

But hard or not I am going to enjoy the moment because this is probably one of the happiest parts of my life for now and I sacrificied a lot to get here so no matter how immodest this sounds I deserved something good to happen finally and the efforts from the past 3 years have been toward that moment. And for people who wished they had what I have – well, I guess you did not want it as bad as I did. If you have told me all this would happen to me several years ago, I would just laugh at you. But once I decided I could do it, nothing was bad enough to stop me.

Things that I have worked hard I could easily receive and believe I deserve them. However, my mind still can’t understand how lucky I was to meet Quita and have her in my life. On the top of everything she had done so far, now she offers me to stay in Coronado, CA with her and her husband for the whole summer! Even in my wildest dreams  I did not think I would ever have such type of summer.

I haven’t felt that happy for a very long time and I am still assimilating that all this is happening to me

Decisions #5

Hollins – award: 18 000$, left: 23 000$

Sweet Briar -possible award: 30 000$, left 8 000$

Hartwick – not accepted

Still left: Grinnel, Yale, Jack Kent Cooke.

If nothing better comes out, Smith will be the one as well as summer in Coronado/ San Diego

Decisions #4

Smith came out surprisingly early as well. I just got the package. They give me 53600$ which includes 5600$ loan and I have 1300$ left to pay which is around 2000$ less than MoHo

Now it is a decision time. Though I have several more left, without JKC I don’t think any other college will offer me better.

Decisions #3

Some update on colleges:

Mount Holyoke – accepted. They give me 51 000$ which include 5 500$ loan per year that has to be paid after graduation, so I have 3000$ left to pay per year, which works for me just fine, so if nothing else works out I am going to MoHo

Hollins – still waiting for the financial package.

Daemen – They keep saying I have missing documents. It’s been like that for a while so I think I am just giving up on this one.

Fairleigh Dickinson – I qualify for 16 000$ PTK scholarship, but need to show 25 000$ per year.

Hartwick – I re-sent them the financial documents. A decision should come out soon.

Sweet Briar – I qualify for 15 000$, Lacy is trying to  find a sponsor for the rest 25 000$. There is a small chance and it will become clear soon.

Xavier – accepted. They give me 13 000$, there are around 10 000$ left.

Decisions left: Smith (mid-April), Grinnel and Yale (mid-May), Jack Kent Cooke Scholarship – around May 1st.

Decisions #2

I just got the admission packet from Hiram College.

They give me 23 000$ scholarship, but only the tution is 27 000$ plus room, board and other expenses. Also I have to start as a sophomore because they don’t accept all my credits => not the best choice.

Hollins University – I am accepted, but I am still waiting for the fin. aid.

9 more to go.

After the weekend

Today I finally submitted the JKC application online.*phew*  Now I need to finish the essays for Yale and I am done with the college applications. However, I am a little worried about these essays. Even though I am trying to do a free writing I have this small reminder on the back of my mind that this is YALE and in order to have the smallest chance there the essays have to be excellent and I guess that is why I have such a big trouble writing them. But I started the application and I will finish it, though I have like 0.00001% chance to get there.

I found this picture the other day and it is on my desktop right now. I think it is cute and yammy

Decisions #1

I remember last time when I was applying to colleges I was writing all decisions in one post. However, this time I decided to post separate ones and I will just number them

So, so far I got two:

Hood College – they like me, but can’t give me fin. aid (tuition and other costs = 35 000$)

Central Methodist University – they give me 8 000$, 14 000$ left.

Today I got emails that Hiram and Sweet Briar will come out in mid-February. We will see…

11 letters to go

Ready? Camera? Action!

Pretty much this is the way I could describe my first days at Cottey

The trip was good, but long. I left my uncle’s house at 6am and didn’t get to Cottey till 6pm. (Two flights, waiting for luggage, getting on the shuttle to Nevada). Unpacked all my stuff, took a shower and colapsed in my bed

Yesterday were my first classes and also I was running around all day and filling my schedule with zilllion meetings

It was also a news day. I got my transcript for the Fall semester – 4.00 I also got two of my college decisions. Hood College really likes me, but doesn’t give me any money. Central Methodist University gives me 8 000$, but there are 14 000$ left, so… Oh well, 11 more letters to go

Also in the evening Quita sent me an email confirming that her chapter wantes me to go and speak at their PEO State Convention with over 2000 PEOs in California at the end of May, which means I will spent two weeks there. Yay

Pretty much I am trying to breath deeply and not to panic

Time for break,but not really

Here it is – the long-waited 5-day break for Thanksgiving. Well, for me it started last Friday because I had only choir (the other meetigns and classes got cancelled) and then Monday and Tuesday I did not have any SGA meetings and again several classes were cancelled. On Saturday, me and my roommate went shopping to KC. It was fun. I found a little black dress for Hanging of the green and some other things. Since Monday I have been working to college applications – addressing envelopes, organizing documents, etc. And yes, today is Wednesday and I am still covered with papers..arghhh…13 colleges??? What was I thinking??? Oh well, it is too late to give up. Hopefully I will finish the paperwork today and I will start the leftover essays. There will be lots of writing this 5 days – app. essays, JKC essays, Psychology and Religions papers…phew…

BUT the good news are there are 3 weeks till the end of the semester!! Yeeyy I am so ready to be done. Yes, I enjoy what I am doing…I am just tired…

For whatever reason I am listening to Rammstein and Nightwish right now

Yeah, right!

Ooo how nice it is to hear from everyone how special I am, how smart, bla la la…Huh, but do you know how much it hurts when the reality crashes on you??? Yes, I am good at doing all hw on time, get staright As, ect, but when it comes to critical thinking and using the skills I have developed – well, then I SUCK!!! I just opened the College Board and of course did not find a nice surprise. 1740 on SAT *blah*….yes, SAT is not such a big deal, but still…it hurts…Also November is frying by my side and I don’t have any college essays ready…Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Dark

Windy, super cloudy, 50F, it’s gonna start storming any second…ahh, it’s always so funny when the weather outside and the way I feel inside overlap…I just wanna crowl in bed and read something nice, but that is not gonna happen this life.

The weekend was much worse than I expected. I have so much to do now that I don’t know where to start from..it’s so overwhelming…Sunday night I needed to go to bed before midnight just because I was super light – headed and I felt I would faint any second.

It is so hard to smile. I am trying, but without much success. And it’s getting harder to sleep again, but this time I fall asleep quickly, but then come the nightmares. I am waking up 100 times and it takes me a while to realize what is happening.

I am trying one day at a time, but it does not work very well. There are many things to write/read that I can’t make a plan what to go first..errr…not good.

Probably at the end everything will be OK, but still the panic does not let me go, the panic that I will fail and I can’t afford that. Why? Because every little thing shutters my self-conscious. It’s like going on a lader – when something pushes you, you go back to the first steps no matter how far you have been…and I can’t do back..I don’t want to go back…

Crazyyyyyyy

The 3-day weekend was supposed to prepare me for the crazyness of the next 3 weeks, but it didn’t work so well. It’s true I did a lot of useful stuff, but I needed to do more. I always need to do more.

I feel as hit by a truck after yesterday. I went out of my room at 7.30am and if I don’t count that I came back just to change my books several times, I came back at 11pm! Today is not so bad, but still…the weekend will be worse than I excpeced – 96 prospective students and 70 guests are coming. Me and my roommate are hosting together 5 in our suite which is not a big deal, but it’s gonna be freaking crowded on campus. On Sunday when they leave there is a LEO supper and tradition – I have no idea when I am going to study.

Next weekend – worse. All day Saturday I will deal with PEOs, then Sunday – initiations and GP and I have to study for 2 exams for the last week of October and then November 1st – SAT. I am gonna be like dead …I am so afraid I will fail again Not to mention that I have no idea when and how I will write the 2 essays for Jack Kent Cooke schoalrship + all small supplements for the colleges.

*I gave 180$ for new glasses that MAY BE ready by this Friday, but who knows…my eyes hurt so bad *

Panic embraces my soul…I need to save myself somehow…I need to survive…

The waiting is over

That’s it-the last rejection came from Bates.It’s over – eight rejections and one acceptance-in Cottey.So I’m going to Cottey and I’m very happy about it

Still waiting..

Po princip vinagi kazvam,4e se staraq da ne se oplakvam,no tozi pat si priznavam-DA,OPLAKVAM SE!Vze da mi pisva tova 4akane. Bates mal4at,Cottey davat zor da pla6tam stote dolara,no ne si mardat prasta da mi pratqt blankata, koqto trqbva da popalnq, a az trqbva da si q izdirvam. Oh dano da se svar6i skoro,4e vzeh da se pobarkvam ve4e

Zapochna se

Tyk 6te postvam novinite okolo tova kade sam prieta i kade ne.Dnes poly4ih parviq email-otrqzaha me ot St. Lawrence.Kazvat 4e sa impressed of my academic and extracurricular activities,etc,but have limited financial aid for international students. Emi kakvo da se pravi-4akam o6te sedem otogovora,no St. Lawrence mi be6e lubimiq,no zdrave da e-moje da e za dobro.

Ochakvaite prodaljenie…

When to be happy?

Yesterday I received a letter from Cottey.It was strange.It wasn’t as the usual ones that people receive-usually in it you read eighther “Congratulations” or “Sorry, try again”. However I didn’t saw neither of this. It seems that I’m accepted, but at the same time nowhere was written directly. So again I will wait their answer(I wrote them an email today).

I don’t know why I’m telling all this,but..I just don’t know what to think. I want it sooo much, but at the same time try not to be too sure that it will happens, because if it not I won’t feel very good

SAT 1

V sabota bqh na SAT 1.Sled kato priklu4ih poly4ih vaprosa “Kak be6e?Kakvo stana?” pone 100 pati.Kakvo zna4i kakvo stana?Ami neznam kakvo stana.Napisah si eseto, 4iqto tema be6e dosta po-lesna otkolkoto o4akvah,no moje bi to4no poradi tazi pri4ina eseto mi e syper tapo i ima golqm 6ans da e off-topic.Da, vremeto mi stigna za vsi4ki sekcii i vaprosi, no matematikata s grid-in questions e palna izlagaciq.Ostavih dva vaprosa bez otgovor i napisah otgovorite na pone 4etiri vaprosa ei taka-t.e i te gre6ni.Ediniq reading za malko da ne mi stigne vremeto.Osven tova tekstovete bqha dosta obarkva6ti i sas sigyrnost preliva ot gre6ki. Vaprosite na koito sam 100% sigyrna 4e sa verni sa dosta malko.E, ami v ob6ti linii taka mina.Zabavno,nali?Osven tova vinagi 6te me grize savestta za tezi 3 testa, koito ne yspqh da napravq. Vinagi 6te si kazvam “Ako be6e napravila tova ili onova 6te6e da e po-dobre?”,za6toto ne napravih vsi4ko koeto mojeh i ako ne me priemat 6te si go zaslyjavam!Sega sanyvam ko6mari kak na vtori(az do dnes si misleh 4e na osmi) noemvri 6te si otvorq accounta v collegeboard i 6te vidq nasre6ta edin rezyltat ot okolo 1700(v nai-dobriq sly4ai).

Na 4 noemvri sam na SAT 2, no za6to li vaob6te 6te hodq.Imam edin kyp testove da pravq.Ako iskam da gi svar6a trqbva da pravq po edna matematika i edna literatyra vseki den.Dali 6te yspeq?Neznam.Dali 6te si namerq opravdanie 4e sam tvarde ymorena?Sigyrno.

A za esetata za kolejite ne iskam i da si pomislqm.I oktomvri 6te si mine i az po4ti ni6to nqmam gotovo.Qvno kolkoto i da se starah i az 6te sam v 4isloto na onezi koito 6te se vla4at pri Lidiq pone do kraq na noemvri:((

 P.S.nadqvam se 4e nqma mnogo hora da pro4etat tova oplakvane i samosajalqvane.Ili dori i da go napravqt 6te e za posledno,za6toto az sam ot tezi koito samo se oplakvat i edva li 6te vi e mnogo interesno da pro4etete o6te vednaj ne6to takova.