Today I finally got answers on many of the questions I had about UK postgraduate schools by one of the professors from the University of Edinburg. I am pretty sure I am going to apply there next fall (the plan for year-off is still active, I can always deter admission for a year )
So the basics:
*There are two types of programs:
1) “taught masters” – one year of study of special area that prepares you for the working field
2) “research masters” – you start with a proposal for your dissertation and doctoral study. You are assigned a supervisor who works with you through the process. This is also one year and then two to three years to get your PhD (depending on the field).
*For students from EU countries the tuition varies between 3000 to 4500 pounds. They usually have housing (on or off campus), but students are responsible for meals. 130$ is the estimate per week for expenses.
*There are many teaching/research assistant positions available for PhD students.
*There are many scholarships available for EU students. Under financial aid tab, choose your country and a full list of available scholarships appear.
*Application requirements: no GRE, high GPA (it varies, depending on the program), 2 recommendations, personal statement.
*University of Edinburg is one of the most prestiguous postgraduate institutions. Check out their website for more information
I just found out Q. and I are going to DC for part of Spring break in March!!! That was definitely quite a surprise DC is on the top of my list with places to visit My CA mom is the best
Yay for family weekend <3 Q. and R. made it here on Friday after traveling for two days Though Saturday was rainy and cold it was still fun to hang around with them. I missed them so much. It is kind of weird to have a family I miss. Since I came here two years ago, I used to miss only some of my friends while everyone else was counting down the days to go home, and now I am pretty much in the same place as everyone else I will be back in CA in two months from last Friday They came just in time – in the middle of the semester after all midterms were done It felt great to spend a day without studying and just enjoy my time I feel so energized today. I spent pretty much 10 hrs straight reading/writing today, but it was totally worth it
I had a surprise talk on the phone with one of the ghosts from the past. Yes, my dear “mom.” I am putting this in quotes because I don’t really know the person on the other side of the line. After leaving 9 years ago I have seen her 2-3 times for 2 hours and talked on the phone several times. Last time I saw her/heard from her was 4-5 years ago (I can’t remember exactly). Because I was caught by surprise (I was expecting to talk with my grandmother instead) I couldn’t react much than “I am doing alright.” Though she acted surprised, too she started chatting as if we have talked last week. I realize it was weird for both of us but still…once I hang up I just broke down and cried for probably 20 minutes. Why? Because all the pain came back. However, by the next day I was able to ignore all bad memories and keep going.
I am not writing all this so people will feel sorry for me. I write because I realized after so many years the pain is still there, but in much less amount. Usually in the past I will feel like dropped in a deep hole for a week at least. I realized she can no longer hurt me the way she used to. There is nothing more she can do that will be worse than what she has already done. She expects me to call her frequently now that I have her phone, but I am not going to. First, this is probably another one of her ‘good times’ and I don’t want to deal with all the drama in the end. Each of us has chosen her path in life and there is no coming back. She might have given birth to me, but that does not mean I need to melt from happiness every time I talk to her, even if it is every 5 years.
She told me once that she does not have “nerves to deal with us (me and my brother).” Well, she made her choice and I made mine. I have survived all these years without her and I just got used to living without such a figure in my life. Thanks to Q. I learned again what it means to have a family and a “mom.” As I have said before just because someone gave you birth does not mean they have a right to play with your life. It’s all about love and how you show that love.
I feel good and somehow I managed to reach this state when I could look on all this as just something normal and that there is no need to sit and cry. Cry for what? The past? Well, that can’t be changed for sure and I am the one who decides how the present and the future will be. And they definitely don’t include endless tears for someone who is long in the past.
According to some people I am being cruel and what-not. I am sorry, but I am just being reasonable. I have been through enough and I have no desire going back to where I am coming from. I worked very hard to reach some peace within myself and I am not giving it back.
I have read about the Stamford Test in the blog of one of my friends and decided to try it. After answering several groups of broad questions and then several groups of more narrow ones, this is what my results are:
is what gets you moving. Once you let the pesimistic thoughts conquer your mind, you are in trouble.
The more we focus on the negative, the more we will miss the beautiful moments around us. I notice that lately I get carried away by some of the comments some of the girls who just came in this country are making and it’s not helping us cope better at all. The more we focus on the bad things, the more bad things will occur around us. Sometimes you just need to pick your battles as my host mom says. If something is super unbearable, well ignore it. And everything else, just take it for granted and live with it. I don’t say to be passive about everything, but sometimes trying to change a whole nation’s attitutes is pretty much mission impossible. After all we are here for studying and if we can’t fit at all, we could always leave after we gradute. The world is big enough for all of us to fit somewhere
You wake up one day and go out and walk at this new strange place which feels both so familiar and so distant. People passing by you, some smiling, some caught up in their own world. You see familiar faces and say quickly the overused “Hi, how are you? I am good how are you?” and keep going. You meet people in your classes, in the dinning hall, in your house. And they are all different and also so familiar. Part of them are so caught up in studying that they don’t have time to pay attention to you, others are too caught up in partying that you don’t have the patience for them. Where do you fit? Anywhere? Supposedly here you can meet grown up people and fit in, but the opposite gets more and more obvious.
Who are you? Does anyone care? People passing by and spedning much more energy on pretending to be something they are not instead of being who they really are. Why? No idea. Life would be much easier and happier if everyone was their own self. Why creating an image that people would like? What about an image you like? Some people achieve that. Others do not. Still others are overwhelmed by expectations, they can’t afford to show their true feelings.
You wake up every day and you need to keep showing the world how strong you are. You do not have a right to complain after everything you have been through. Not many people could be where you are, so you have to be happy. They don’t see you the way you want. They see you always smiling, always going through difficulties, always achieving. But no one sees your tears at night. No one sees the pain inside.
You have the music, the books, the piano. But they can’t answer your countless questions about yourself and the world around.
It’s fall. The trees are changing their colors. The sky is changing. The air is changing. You are changing.
The human heart has hidden treasures,
In secret kept, in silence sealed;
The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures,
Whose charms were broken if revealed.
And days may pass in gay confusion,
And nights in rosy riot fly,
While, lost in Fame’s or Wealth’s illusion,
The memory of the Past may die.
But, there are hours of lonely musing,
Such as in evening silence come,
When, soft as birds their pinions closing,
The heart’s best feelings gather home.
Then in our souls there seems to languish
A tender grief that is not woe;
And thoughts that once wrung groans of anguish,
Now cause but some mild tears to flow.
And feelings, once as strong as passions,
Float softly backa faded dream;
Our own sharp griefs and wild sensations,
The tale of others’ sufferings seem.
Oh ! when the heart is freshly bleeding,
How longs it for that time to be,
When, through the mist of years receding,
Its woes but live in reverie !
And it can dwell on moonlight glimmer,
On evening shade and loneliness;
And, while the sky grows dim and dimmer,
Feel no untold and strange distress
Only a deeper impulse given
By lonely hour and darkened room,
To solemn thoughts that soar to heaven,
Seeking a life and world to come.
Why do you go to college? What do you want to take away on graduation day? What is college all about? Just studying? Just partying? I don’t think so. As I have said million types in all the types of motivational essays I have wirtten in the last year and even before that college is about experience, learning about the world around you and learning about yourself. Who are you? Who do you want to be? I have been trying to answer all these questions since I could remember and in my junior year I still don’t have the full answer. But one thing I know for sure is you need BALANCE! No matter what are you doing, you need balance. If you let panick and fear to get to you, you are done. Once you start freaking out how much work you need to do, you get caught up in the vicous circle of sleepless nights, little social life, and mainly loneliness and despair. I have been there, I know how it is. And though I have learned a lot for the 2 years at CC, I still let people’s panick to get me. Why? Well, maybe because I have invested so much in all this that I want to take the most out of it. Why do I need high grades? Well, my scholarships depend on them, but also being on a full scholarship I feel this obligation of “paying off” by doing as much as possible. Yes, but crying to sleep because you feel overwhelmed or desperate is not a good pay off. A good pay off is to leave this college with a smile on my face and desire for even more studying and eventually changing the world. Because unfortunatelly from CC I left with this bitter feeling of exhaustion and memories of running around all day and feeling like dead most of the time. And for what? Yes, I got into a great college and I got all these scholarships, but could I have done it with a little less stress? Well, we will never know
And here comes the controvercy. If we don’t push our selves to our limits, how will we develop? If we don’t constantly challenge ourselves how will we discover new skills and ideas? I guess we need the skill of challenging ourselves within limits
What promted this post are just ideas from the last several days. It’s been just 2 weeks of school and I have already read tons of stuff, which I greatly enjoy. I am just worried how much of that material is going to stay. Plus, though I promised myself to wait, thoughts about graduate school, GRE (which for my dread is like SAT, it was a good slap in the face when I realized that last night), OPT, year off (maybe), etc. I guess because everything is so great here I need to find something to worry about as always. It’s high time to start listening myself to the advices I give other people and start enjoying my time because time flies like crazy and it depends on me with what feelings I will leave from here in 2 years.
I worked hard for this and I am on a mission to get the most out of it with as much positive emotions as possible. I hope everyone else who is in college thinks that way, too
Since yesterday I am officially all set with classes. Tuesday was the first day of classes but I had one wait listed and then “shopped” for another one. I am taking 18 credits which are 4 classes this semester: Intro to Research Methods, Abnormal Psychology, Queer Theories and Low Intermediate Spanish(intesive). I love all the classes and all professors are amazing. It’s a good mixture of small and big classes as well as Tuesdays and Thusdays are my busy days, but then I have only Spanish on Friday so I practically will have 3-day weekend every week The first three classes are pretty much reading intensive, but I am so excited for all the things I will learn that it does not bother me. Also I am not working on campus and I am taking it slower with extracurricualr activities, so it should be alright. I can’t believe how calm I am lol.
It’s great how all classes seem different but they are all connected in some way and I am working on several skills at once which was the whole idea of coming to study in the USA
D. and M. are here and it’s great to practice my Bulgarian as well to have someone I know that well so close
It’s two weeks today since I came here and I haven’t cried once nor freaked out which I consider for quite an achievement
Here I am finally at Smith. I got here late Thursday night and the flights, the few hours of sleep and emotions had their price. I unpacked some of the stuff until 2am and crashed. Yesterday I finally saw the campus in daylight and the only thing I could say is: GORGEOUS Everything is green and there are trees everywehere. I can’t wait for fall to come Because this is pre-orienation for international students the focus of the sessions are immigration, passports, OPT, taxes, etc. Most of these things I already know, but it is still fun. Everyone is very nice and Dean T. is hilarious It’s been great to have another Bulgarian girl (she is a freshmen) here, too Last night I finally finished unpacking around midnight and my room looks nice It’s neither too big nor too small. Though my house is at the end of campus, it’s just 10 minutes from Central campus which is not bad at all.
My b-day is on a rainy day this year, but I am still having fun. I got lots of cards from the P.E.Os in California, a package, and a great bouquet from Q and R Today and tomorrow are a little slow for me because all freshmen are opening bank accounts and other things that I already have, but it’s nice to have some time before the actual orientation starts on Monday and from what I hear it’s going to be intense, but I can’t wait to meet with professors, sign up for classes and actually start classes.
It might sound unbelievable, but I am not stressed at all. I feel like I have been here before. I guess I came a little overprepared which is good
I am all set for a great semester and I am so happy to be here. I can’t wait to see D. and M. next week
So the last week in CA is coming to an end. I have my last swimming, tennis, and piano lessons in the next 3 days, then packing on Wednesday and off to Smith on Thursday. This really was an amazing summer. It was a great balance between making some pocket money, learning new things like swimming and tennis, went through my piano pieces plus learned several new ones including my favorite “Fur Elise”, read some of the books I had on my wish list, visited interesting places, met many new people, and mainly got lots of sleep
As it looks like so far, I will be back in Coronado for Christmas, for which I am super excited. I am really going to miss Q and R…after all this is the first real family I have ever had and it feels good I am really glad they are coming in October. Oh, I really get easily attached to people
I have to say I am a little nervous for Smith, but so far everything worked so great, that I am allowing myself to be a little superstitious and believe that it will be hard, but things will work out in the best way. Probably 2 years ago I would never have said that, but many things changed for these 2 years, including me. I am getting a little too excited and I am thinking about so many things that I have trouble sleeping, but oh well…just trying to keep the “happy thoughts” as one of my friends from Cottey used to say…
I am dreaming of great classes, making new friends, keeping the ones I already have there, finding a volunteer opportunities and research for next summer, but mainly I dream of 2 more great years of my life. It’s time to open the next chapter and see what happens there…
I just watched a two-hour documentary called “Generation Islam” by Christiane Amanpour from CNN and now I am overwhelmed with all kinds of thoughts. It broke my heart watching all these children living in ruins, most times without food, water or electricity. Most of them drop out of school to work and support their family. Most of them have lost family members in the various wars and attacks. Most of them grow up with hatred in their hearts and their only goal is to kill the enemy whoever that is.
It’s sad that in many places around the world the situation is not very different while in other places people pile up millions of dollars in the bank. And for what? People need only particular amount of money to live good. We get so caught up in our lives that sometimes we forget to appreciate what we have and think about others who don’t have even a fraction of what we have.
After watching this documentary I am going to try to stop complaining for insignificant things. Yes, Smith will be hard, it’s a new place and etc…but I am paid $55,000 per year to go there and learn new things and there is not a better blessing that having access to education because while I am studying here, gilrs in Afghanistan are getting attacked because they go to school.
I hope with all my efforts I could wake up one day and say I have changed somebody’s life for the better.
“Fur Elise” is one of my favorite piano pieces, and today after my piano lesson I could say I have it all memorized and I play all parts in one tempo. Well, I still play slower than this video, but I am getting there
This was one of my goals for the summer, so it feels good to have it achieved
*Though I try not t put here posts that are too personal, I just need to share some of my thoughts today.*
I feel quite frustrated. One day I am full of energy to change the world and the next day I am thinking “Who am I kidding?” I am frustrated with myself, for no big reason except that I still have that feeling that I am not doing enough whatever that enough is.
I am frustrated with my family – the situation there is not getting any better and I don’t see a way to help. The newest thing is to call the media about the whole “not fair sale of the yard my dad did.” Though I usually don’t give up without a fight in this case I know they are just wasting money because once you get involved with the so-called mafia there are no good results. And I really worry how much worse it could get. What is the next shit my dad will get into?
And my brother…I can’t stop thinking about him lately…I wish I could tell him so many things…I wish he knew that all the anger I used to have against him was not his fault, but a result from my mom and then my grandparents exploitation…it was not his fault (though as a kid I blamed him) that all I have been doing up until I got on the plane to US was school and housework…it was not his fault that I had almost no friends and the few I had I had to fight for them all the time with my grandparents…I really hope he understands this one day…
At the same time, the same argument could be used by mom…she was sick of her life and my dad’s drinking and she poured it out on me up until she saw a way to get out…Though I don’t want to say it in some way I am like her…I ran away from the pain…she left her kids behind, I left my brother behind…it hurts so much to think he will end up hating me one day for that…
Sometimes I also feel like a hypocrite…I am ready to travel anywhere in the world and help communities in hard situations, but I am not really ready to go back and deal with problems within my family…Yes, I have ideas for different programs that could be established, but where do I start from? How do I unite people around my ideas when the ideals back home are so different? Everyone there cares about themselves…no one wants to volunteer or not too much…people are so focused on daily survival that they rarely think about what others are going through.
My biggest dream is to create a center for people with drug addiction that is not an insane asylum because right now that is pretty much the only option for these people as far as I know. When we looked for an institution for my dad, that was the only option. And because of the big stigma about these places, most people who need help never find one. Also I dream of a center for children like my brother where they could receive the attention they need and the information about the outside world they need. It breaks my heart that he is closed in that small village and the only things he is occupied with is work in the garden/house, riding the bike and going to school(which he hates).
These days I have been back and forth with emotions. As I mentioned I came back from Baltimore very energized and empowered. Then yesterday it took one call to Bulgaria and all the positivity went down the road. Once again I realized that we can go anywhere in the world, but the past will always follow us, and in this case this is bad. I had to listen to numerous complaints, how the things are not getting any better with the whole sold land deal, how the only thing that occupies my grandparents minds is how to make restorations trough the house and etc. At the same time, my brother is growing just in age, but not really in mind. They keep him caught up with housework (of course, now that I am gone, he is the house slave). He does not go pretty much anywhere, his vocabulary is quite limited, and it’s very hard to talk with him on the phone because they don’t leave him alone. All this bothers me a lot and I can’t really do anything from here. I keep telling myself that he is not my child and I did all I could to raise him, though I have to say I have been mean sometimes to him. It wasn’t his fault for all the stuff that was happening back then, but I took it out on him sometimes I was able to get out there, but I don’t think he will
Well, at least today I was able to figure out all the scholarships stuff. I won’t have the loan *phew* and I found out I have a $1500 available for computer and if I don’t use them now, I lose them, so I decided to get a newer laptop and not worry with computer issues for at least 2-3 years. Though this is something quite trivial, it is one more thing added to the pile of blessings already. I still can’t believe everything is working out so well. I am all set to leave for school, I won’t graduate with any loans, and I have my expenses covered. All that is left is to hit the books really hard and keep that GPA high as well as to devote more time to the community
For the last 5 days I have had the most inspiring and motivating experience ever! I left for Baltimore, MD on Wednesday and when I got at Johns Hopkins University there were not many scholars there yet so I was kind of on my own until Thursday evening when was the official start of the Jack Kent Cooke seminar. There was a short opening session where all scholars were introduced, we got more information about the foundation and then we headed to dinner where the essence of the seminar started – the networking and socializing between the scholars.
Friday morning there was a panel connected with leadership, and in the afternoon my group had a session with three undergrad alumnae and current graduate scholars who shared their experiences of their transition from two to four year institution. After that was the financial session where the basics of the process of receiving the scholarship were explained. There was a short break so we could get ready for the class pictures and then we headed to the banquet at one of the hotels in Baltimore. That was the second big opportunity to meet practically everyone and share stories…and oh did we share…I have never imagined I will be part of such a diverse and talented group.
Saturday kicked off with the Cooke Conundrum where we were split in teams of five to six scholars and had to complete two rounds with several steps each of puzzles. It was very fun and challenging at moments. In the afternoon were the focus groups with the research team and then we headed to the National Aquarium We came back for dinner and then it was time for the talent show. OMG, these were the greatest two and half hours filled with music, dance, poems, martial arts, etc. After the talent show we headed to the Inner Harbor – the social area of Baltimore where me and three other scholars picked a nice Irish pub to have a drink and keep up the conversations. The seminar ended with a final session on Sunday morning and lots of “goodbyes.”
Nice addition to the seminar was the fact that there was another Bulgarian transfer scholar
Though I said it already 1000 times I will say it again – this was the greatest experience I have ever had. Listening to all the great stories and sharing mine made me feel very special. I can’t really describe the feeling of being with 150 other people from all ages who share your interests of studying hard and serving the community INCREDIBLE!!!At the beginning, I asked myself several times “Wow, how did I ended up here with all these people who go to the best schools in the country?” but after the first couple of days it started sinking in that with 5% acceptance rate it is no coincidence I am part of that group. After years of struggling with my self-esteem, this weekend was one of the biggest boosters I have had. I came back very inspired and very energized to go and do everything I dream of doing
What will happen if I stop writing to the so-called “friends”? What if I become the one who only replies and does not write? Well, pretty much I won’t hear from probably anyone, but also I will wonder if a given friendship did not break because of me? At the same time, I get a little tired of writing to people who never respond. How do you keep a friendship alive? How do you know when to give up? If I keep writing and get no response I feel bad and start wondering what’s wrong. If I stop writing I will start wondering if I am not hurting someone’s feelings. But I really get frustrated when I don’t hear back from people for weeks and months. Of course, there are various types of friends and with some you keep the connection by constant communication while with others the connection stays even if we don’t talk for months. However, I am quite open and I like sharing my experiences as well as knowing what is happening in my friends’ lives. After all that’s why we are friends – to be there for each other in any kind of situation. Yeah, sounds kind of corny, but if I don’t give 100% of myself I don’t feel good.
One of my friends used to say that I am thinking too much sometimes. Well, that is how I am, but I don’t know how to change to feel good with myself. I am always worried what other people are thinking, always wondering if I am doing the right things. I have been working on finding what I want and trying to put myself first, but it’s not easy after years and years doing what other people expected me to do and proving that I am not the bad person some people thought I was. I start to realize that the several years spent in hating myself and beating myself up will haunt me for quite a while…
According to Buddha “Life is suffering” and while many people do not agree just because no one wants to suffer, I started seeing meaning in that saying. It is kind of connected with my last post. If we don’t suffer, most times we don’t appreciate what we have. There is a very good possibility that I may not have been what I am today if I haven’t suffered all these years. Sometimes I wonder what kind of a person I would have been if I grew up in a happy and loving family. Would I be so motivated to achieve everything I have achieved? I don’t know. I don’t say that the biggest achievers and great people in the world are only the ones from dysfunctional families, but very often the ones who have everything (as according to society everything means enough money, clothes, food, parents,etc.) often do not appreciate it or live their lives without realizing that there are other kinds of people around the world.
So I decided this kind of approach gives me some satisfaction that through my pain in the past I have grown into the person I am today – strong, motivated, and giving.
(the plan for year-off is still active, I can always deter admission for a year 
I was able to get out there, but I don’t think he will 
